I must admit, I've had several of "those days" lately, and that phrase has been stuck in my head. Today, being yet another in what seems an unusually persistent outbreak, prompted some conviction in my heart and reminded me of something that came to mind over the weekend that I wanted to share.
The conviction I experienced was about choosing joy. I thought, "Yes, when I'm having one of 'those days', I should choose joy rather than dwell on the things that are going wrong." But the truth is, every day is a day to choose joy. It may be a harder choice on some days than others, but sometimes it's those "normal" days that can sneakily get you down.
During worship and prayer at Community Group on Sunday, we had a time of sharing about God's faithfulness to us and promises He's kept in our lives and I was reminded of a time when He began to teach me about joy:
When I was younger, I had a tendency towards being melancholy and sullen, especially when in public (I make this distinction because I was homeschooled, and I rather enjoyed the seclusion from society, being also quite shy). I really think this melancholy aspect was something I willfully took on myself; something about it appealed to me as mysterious and desireble. Then, when I was about 12 and our church was first experiencing a real movement of the Holy Spirit, I remember going forward for prayer to be filled with the Spirit at our fall Retreat. I was overcome and fell to the floor weeping intensly for what seemed like hours. It was like all the sadness I had built up inside was just gushing out. After a while, Wendy Virgo came and knelt beside me on the floor and simply asked me, "Why are you crying?". I had no response, but almost immediately I started laughing just as intensly as I had been crying. The laughter lasted much longer than the crying, and the whole event made a great impression on me. However, I really don't think I fully understood its significance until recently. I really believe that God deposited a deeper sense of joy in my heart that night. I knew what it meant to be happy before that, but this was different. This was a deposit that has stayed with me ever since, and has grown exponentially as my understanding of what my Savior did for me has deepened. I knew that Jesus had died for me, and I loved Him for it; but the true beginning of my understanding of His love began when the Holy Spirit came upon me that night. When something greater than our comprehension has been done for us, I think that it is only with the help of the Spirit that we can grasp the meaning, and He lays the foundation in our hearts for the joy that follows.
And what a joy it is! A night of laughter is nothing compared to the strength it imparts when you're having one of "those days". What He did for me on the cross overshadows any uncertainty I experience in my day-to-day life. When I don't know how we'll afford to fix the starter on the car, or how we'll manage with a leaky washing machine, or how I'll ever convince my 3-yr-old to use the potty... What I DO know is this: God so loved the world, He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him will have everlasting life. That is my hope, that is the never-ending source of my joy.
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